13 November 2007

panic attack, right now

I kind of feel overwhelmed and that life is running away without me.

I'm going to NC for Christmas and New Year. Apparently.

I'm supposed to be going to NJ for Thanksgiving, but I still haven't bought train tickets (because I've been waiting for there to be enough money in my checking account, but there never is).

I don't know how I'm going to afford to pay the oil bill and December rent, much less Christmas presents. And now I begin to doubt my financial ability to go to Europe with John and Rodney in the coming year.

And I can't talk to my parents, because they're not going to be supportive. They're just going to tell me to stay here, and "I told you so." And then they'll try to talk me into putting money down on a flat I can't afford.

I feel quite absolutely sick. Money is only half the issue.

I'm going to stop editing this entry now.

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